Children love crying, emotional instability and so on, these are the manifestations of their lack of security. Do you know why children’s insecurity is magnified? Let the small editors of Baibai safety net know about it with you!
At some point, your heart will be filled with inexplicable fear and uneasiness, even restlessness. You may attribute it to excessive attention to your baby. As a matter of fact, there are concerns and hidden worries about another important person in your family
Young mothers have all experienced that life is full of happiness and joy, as well as anxiety and tension in the face of children’s growth and change. Especially at a certain time, there will be inexplicable fear and uneasiness, even restlessness in the heart. Most mothers attribute it to excessive attention to the baby. As a matter of fact, there are concerns and hidden worries about another important person in your family
Have you ever had their experience?
1. After giving birth to her son, Zifei really enjoyed a period of contentment and special care. Her husband not only rushed to change her baby’s urine pants and take a bath, but also took care of herself. As the child grew up, the husband gradually put his energy back to work. If the husband works overtime at night, Zifei seems to be unable to read the baby’s language for a while when facing the child’s crying alone, so she is at a loss and habitually calls her husband to move the soldiers. As soon as her husband appears at home, Zifei’s panic will settle down.
2. Linpei’s daughter and father are really close. Whenever dad is about to leave work, her daughter starts to point at the door and exert herself to the outside. Linpei knows. Her daughter miss her father. The meeting between father and daughter is a touching scene. My daughter swings on my father’s arm and laughs at home.
Lying in bed, the husband still looked at his daughter’s sleeping face affectionately. Lin Pei would also say, “it’s like looking at your little lover!” In my heart, I feel a little sour.
3. Yumeng spent most of her time with her children. When my friend came home, he saw a busy Yumeng and joked, “you are only thirty, how can you make yourself look like a yellow face?” In the evening, when the child fell asleep, she was washing the clothes for the child, looking at her own messy hair in the mirror, no recovered body, and her heart had a strange upset.
Since then, she often told her husband about her hard work for her children before going to bed. She also said that the reason why her neighbor Mei finished her baby was because she didn’t bring her own children. She couldn’t go to sleep safely until her husband said words of appeasement.
It’s him who makes me upset
Through a detailed analysis, we can find that the tension and uneasiness of mothers are largely related to their husbands. For example, Zifei, really can’t cope with her son’s crying? Actually not.
When she was a new mother, on the one hand, she felt the pride of having a son, and at the same time, she was cared by her husband. In Zifei’s heart, she would also evoke the sweet feeling of being treated as a baby by her parents when she was a child. When the child grows up, the husband’s social responsibility calls him back to work. Zifei has to play the role of mother in more time. That kind of uneasiness is really like being forced to be independent too early by his parents. So Zifei subconsciously chose to take her husband home with the help of her children’s needs, to save her helplessness and to satisfy her children.
Some people say that the daughter is the lover of his father’s previous life, who goes back to this life. The trouble with mothers like Lindsay is that her husband’s love for her seems to have been divided by her daughter, another little woman. Although this kind of sour brings more warmth, how many neglected feelings can be really felt. There are many mothers who will become like their husband’s “eldest daughter”, competing with their daughter for favor; there are also mothers who make rules for their daughter by becoming strict mothers, trying to distinguish a boundary.
Comparatively speaking, Yumeng’s uneasiness seems to be more realistic – she is too busy to take care of her appearance that she is no longer young, and her friends remind her of her inner imbalance. In Yumeng’s heart, to be a mother is to pay the price of beauty. But does the husband agree? So she chose to tell and explain to her husband, eager to be recognized by her husband, which is also a manifestation of self-protection.
Where does insecurity come from
In marriage, women have more insecurity than men since ancient times. There are many reasons, for example, the physiological structure of men and women is different, women’s intuition is very developed, they are sensitive to things, and they are used to “preparing for the future”, and they are more comprehensive about the possible future and results, including negative expectations; women’s economic status in history is low, and they feel that they are committed to marriage for life, so they attach importance to the family and change their attitudes towards the husband Alert, there is no sense of security; in addition to the modern society’s tolerance of extramarital affairs, the increase of external temptation, the media and the surrounding appeared more and more broken or damaged families, making wives feel less secure than before.
Why do some mothers feel more insecure with the crystallization of love?
With the birth of the child, the structure of the family changes, the baby joined the two people’s world, the focus of attention is different, and the relationship between husband and wife is facing new adjustment. The birth of a child certainly adds a stabilizing agent to the relationship between the two, but for some mothers, the change of family structure magnifies the original insecurity. This is even more prominent for some stay at home moms.
Insecurity also comes from personal experience. I have experienced the separation of my parents, witnessed the difficult life of my mother with her children, and listened to all the complaints of my mother to my father. Then I will be aroused again after having a child, for fear that I will suffer the same situation as my mother, and I will be more careful about my husband’s every move.
Where can I get a sense of security
The changes in life are eternal. Mothers should learn to adapt to various changes, cultivate and grasp the sense of security in the changes:
1. Adjust the role transformation. In fact, when mothers feel insecure, some dads feel neglected. The wife put them behind the children. They are also very unsafe. Therefore, when you are with your children, be a good mother. At the same time, don’t forget your wife’s identity and give her husband more care and care.
2. Get rid of the sense of dependence from the heart. An overseas scholar said that although modern women are economically independent, they are still emotionally dependent. The stronger the dependence, the greater the insecurity. Moreover, the mother’s dependence will add the weight of the child. Only by establishing their own self-worth and being a pillar other than their husbands can mothers stabilize their lovely families.
3. Love yourself. It includes respecting your ideals and hobbies, not giving up your career easily, and taking your looks seriously. Many mothers will say when their children grow up: “it was for you and this family, how can I sacrifice…” It is God’s right to respect your wishes and take actions. Children will learn how to love themselves from you.
4. Timely communication and expression. After the children participate in the life, there is a certain time for couples to get along with each other, to exchange ideas and express love. Sometimes the emotional changes are in a little bit of time, timely correction of the relationship, not only can let both sides of the emotional maturity and rationality, mothers’ insecurity will also be reduced, children in a harmonious atmosphere can grow more healthy.
5. Make friends extensively and find out your hobbies. They are your strong social support system and make you feel not alone. In the communication, you can also tap your new hobbies, discover new self you didn’t know for yourself, and bring you a new world. There are many friends and hobbies to support the mothers, their hearts are powerful, that is the real security. If you find the security in your heart, you will find your own destination. This destination is nothing else, but your hope and love for life.
Parents should give their children a sense of security, let them know that the world has a secure existence, so that they can face the future life happily and bravely. If you have any questions about the benefits of early childhood education and other knowledge about children’s safety education, please continue to pay attention to the safety knowledge column of early childhood safety education of Baibai safety net.