With the popularity of mobile phones, many middle school students are equipped with mobile phones in their hands, while middle school students in adolescence sometimes like to make phone porridge very much, so many parents are puzzled, what is the reason why children love to make phone porridge? There must be a reason why children like to “talk on the phone”. Parents need to deal with it skillfully!

The mother of Pei Gang, a second year boy, told me:

As soon as my son was in junior high school, he pestered me to buy a mobile phone, saying that most of the students in the class had it, and he didn’t have much face. Although I don’t think it’s necessary for middle school students to use mobile phones, I have to agree with them because I’m worried that children may feel inferior. But I didn’t expect that since he had a mobile phone, he became addicted to texting. No matter he did his homework, ate or watched TV, he always used it for two purposes and kept texting. Not long ago, my son’s teacher complained to me that he sent SMS jokes to his classmates in class, which made the class chaotic. When I said that I would confiscate his cell phone, he shouted and even hid it in his classmates. I really don’t know how to deal with him.

A 12-year-old girl’s dependent mother is similarly confused.

Yiyi was a very dependent child. Tell me anything. But since I went to junior high school last year, I obviously felt that she had changed. She began to quietly and mysteriously “make phone porridge” with her classmates. Sometimes I would like to hear what she was talking about, but as soon as I heard my footsteps, she would lower her voice to the microphone and say, “let’s talk here first, my mother is here.”

I am very anxious now. There are many psychological problems in adolescence children, and they are under great pressure to learn. What should I do if there is a problem in such mysterious communication? However, I had to talk to her, but no matter how I enlightened, Yiyi was always silent. Why does a child talk to his classmates without saying a word to his parents?

Yes, it has become a common phenomenon among middle school students. How should parents deal with it?

How should parents deal with it

I. “telephone porridge” and “texting” are the desire to communicate with peers

In the process of growing up, children are mainly influenced by family, school, peers and society. Before the age of 10, the family has the greatest influence. At this time, children are most eager for their parents’ company, most concerned about their parents’ evaluation. When they encounter difficulties or have concerns, their parents are the first choice for them to talk.

However, with the increase of age, the influence of peers gradually exceeds that of parents. For a simple example, seven or eight year olds generally follow their parents’ arrangements for what to wear, but when they enter middle school, if their classmates say, “this dress is not suitable for you at all, it’s too impersonal!” Then, no matter how much the parents persuade, the children don’t like wearing this dress any more.

Because of the importance of peer relationship, every child is inevitably awed by it, even desperate to maintain it.

By calling and texting, children can share happiness, anxiety and secret with each other, enjoying the relaxation and nature brought by their peers.

2. Understand the inner loneliness of children

The growing environment of parents and children is far from each other, and the only child’s inner loneliness can’t be understood by parents. It is suggested that parents should encourage their children to communicate with friends of the same age. At the same time, don’t think that children’s “telephone porridge” and texting are heinous bad things and strictly prohibit them.

Tell children that although phone calls and short messages are convenient and efficient, they can’t replace face-to-face interpersonal communication after all. They are just auxiliary means of communication. The more modern life is, the more abundant emotional communication is needed. A person who is good at face-to-face communication will have stronger adaptability.

III. conclusion of parent-child agreement

It is a kind of educational wisdom of modern parents to sign agreements with their children. A father and son signed an agreement on “making telephone porridge”:

The first thing for Junhao to go home from school every day is to make a phone call, sometimes for more than an hour. Later, the father and son drew up a “telephone use agreement”, which required the son to call no more than 10 minutes a day, otherwise, he would pay the family’s phone bill for the month. At first, the implementation effect of the agreement was good. While making a phone call, Junhao stared at the clock on the wall. As soon as 10 minutes arrived, reluctantly hung up the phone, and then shouted to Dad, “you watch, no overtime!” This result satisfied Junhao’s father. But only a week later, Junhao found his father and said, “Dad, I want to tear up the agreement unilaterally! Because I can only talk for 10 minutes, my friends feel that I am not “righteous”. Now they are reluctant to talk with me on the phone, or even alienate me. Dad, I promise that calling won’t affect your study. You can rest assured! “

What is the reason why Junhao’s father’s attempt to restrict his children’s “telephone porridge” by signing an agreement has obviously failed? What should parents pay attention to when they make an agreement with their children?

First of all, the parent-child agreement must reflect equality and integrity, and the terms of the agreement should be negotiated by both parties. However, the agreement between Junhao and his son was made by his father unilaterally, which was obviously unfair.

Second, you can’t change your habits in a hurry. It is a process to change a child’s behavior habits. Parents should take a decreasing approach instead of wishful thinking. For example, in the past, they used to talk for one hour a day, now it’s 45 minutes, and the next step is 30 minutes. Of course, if there is a decrease, there will be an increase. If there is a decrease in children’s “telephone porridge” time, children should be encouraged to increase face-to-face contact, so as to maintain their friendship and facilitate their acceptance.

Finally, the rewards and punishments should be appropriate. This agreement only punishes the content, but does not reward the content, obviously will not play an incentive role. In addition, its punishment provisions – more than 10 minutes, to pay for the family’s telephone costs – are not appropriate. Generally speaking, the children in grade two have no financial resources, so it is obviously not feasible for them to bear the family’s telephone costs. Such clauses are nothing but agreements. They should be practical and practical, so that the children can understand the truth that “words must be believed, and deeds must be achieved” from an early age.

In a word, it is necessary to observe every move of children, rather than letting them go with their temperament. So for adolescent children, not only delay their study, but also affect their physical and mental health. If it causes serious consequences, they will regret it. If you want to know more about children’s home electric shock prevention, you can go to Baibai safety net to search!